• The Initial Phase: What made me want to do it (part 1)

    MP900438811Prior to the start of my project, I felt very clearly that I also wanted to have a website with a blog. Even well before the actual build of my own Tiny House. The reason? I came across a lot of sites, blogs and other Tiny House initiatives, but I rarely stumbled into writings on that particular process, the initial phase. I wanted to know more about that first phase. As if it were some kind of reassurance to start with this project myself. To see that those who take such bold steps are also doubtful and uncertain from time to time.  Especially in the beginning. Well, if there isn’t a lot of that out there, covering the initial phase, maybe it’s a good thing to write about it myself. So here it is. It’s a story split up in two. First the story about what happened that makes me want to do it, build my own Tiny Home. That’s part one. Part two is about the doubts, uncertainties, and above all, the minilomania you can come across at the start of projects like these and how I deal and dealt with that. I hope you’ll enjoy it.

    What made me want to do it?

    Bursting with ideas

    Maybe you’re just like me, way too many ideas. For example. There’s a road map of the world in my closet. On it, you’ll find a detailed world trip that I created. I know exactly which type of transportation I would like to use in what area and why. Somewhere more to the right in that same closet, you’ll find a business plan for a self employed agricultural advisor guiding farmers in their management. That advisor would be me. I even thought of becoming a therapist of sorts for a moment.
    I indeed did a lot of searching. Checking out this, checking out that. I could not stop. The urge of wanting to create something, to find my own way in society, was simply too big. At first, with most of these ‘brilliant’ plans, there was a nice natural flow while working on one of the ideas. I loved it! And then, the flow left the building. Just like that. Boom. Doors closed, figuratively. I ran into walls, over and over again. As if I wasn’t able to get it manifested. At a certain point I was fed up with it! I was even afraid people would no longer take me seriously. So I gave up…

    Wrong turn

    You could say, in a way, that it wasn’t the other who did not take me seriously, it was me. That made me angry. I felt this huge pulse and push within, an urge to do something for myself, to create something, but it didn’t matter what, it just did not find its way out. It drove me nuts up to the point where I seriously thought that I had taken the wrong turn on my way towards Earth. I felt lost. Strange, strange world. Yep, this is not some pink, fluffy, nice story, but these things do happen and need a voice too. I know I’m not the only one and with a world as we know it today, that’s not a surprise either.

    Tiny and Grand

    I gave up. I gave up on all these so called ‘brilliant’ ideas. I gave up on trying to fit in. I can’t recall the exact moment but at some point my focus changed from this wild creative pushy pulse to enjoying the moment and the little things around me. In the here and now. Things like a winding path in the backyard overgrown by green. Moestuinbak, makkelijke moestuinMy square garden packed with home grown veggies. Fresh wood chips (Oh my gosh, I’m the richest person on earth when they arrive!). The cats in the neighborhood who all gather in my patio while I’m gardening.The salamanders in my water barrel hiding themselves behind the oxygen plants. A group of tailed tits, all, very energetically, clinging onto the food I hung. Those tiny things. Sometimes I found myself judging, or better phrased misjudging, those tiny things. I asked myself questions like: “Is that the reason I’m here? Just to enjoy the small things on earth?” Who I thought of, at the same time, as Grand, divine and majestic things. I felt that other people often do not see it that way. They prefer money and success. These things can be tempting, I know. Nothing wrong with it in itself. It’s not about that. But what happened is that I judged myself for enjoying those tiny things, the little things in life. I thought that, in the eyes of society, these things do not matter. Me liking it made me feel like a weirdo. An outcast. The almost intangible pressure of trying to fit in made me misjudge it from time to time.

    Work in order to pay for my home

    And then, December 2013, this happened: I was on my way home from work. Dark, grey day. I was checking my pockets with my cold hands for the keys of my home and went inside. Brrrrr… For a moment I just stood there. Catching my breath. Thoughts slowly entered my mind…
    “Do I have a stupid job?”
    “Well… no. I love my colleagues.”
    “Yeah, but… do you ‘like’ your job?”
    The answer was no.
    I looked around, my feet still on the door mat. It’s a big house that I’m living in. Nicely decorated, but somewhat hollow at the same time. Lonely.
    It’s in that moment I start to realize that the reason I have this job, is to pay for this big, empty, lonesome home.

    I have a job so I can pay for this home…

    I’m doing something that is not fulfilling in order to pay for something that doesn’t actually fit and suit me.
    And I am doing that for years…

    Changing course

    From that moment on, my course changed, radically. Instead of looking outwards, towards what society has in store for me, my focus changed towards myself, inwards. My head literally changed direction, on that doormat. I stared at my lower belly. Base! My base.
    geld, basisbehoeftesI realized I’ve always worked from that same somehow society standardized basic need. It didn’t matter, being a manager, advisor, team leader, working fulltime and more if needed, or having a less complex and demanding job, working less hours so I could have some me-time too. It didn’t matter. It was all based on that same standard: I need this and that in order to pay my bills. My job has to be at least that much hours or the rate should be at least that high. Always. That’s the standard for my basic needs. How else am I able to pay for rent, insurance, mortgage, utilities and such!? It doesn’t matter from what perspective you’re looking at it, to me, until that moment, thát was my standard. Solid as a rock. Ugh…

    From searching to creating

    With my head still down, staring at my belly, my feet on that door mat, my course changed and I came to one clear conclusion: this standard of basic needs does not suit me anymore. Thát’s where the underlying problem is hiding. I now get it. It’s over. It’s okay now. No more…
    In my heart a new path showed itself. A different path than before. A path that I create myself. I create and define my own standard for my own basic needs. No more searching outwardly. But creating, from within.

    I already followed the Tiny House movement. Add that to the love I feel and have for projects, and my own project My Tiny House was born.

    Up next, in part two:  The minilomania we sometimes all suffer from. The doubts, the uncertainties and what got me out of that numbing grip. Oh, hold on. I did that myself. I got myself out of that. Hmmmm, see? Also minilomania…

     


    PS I’m not a professional translator and English is not my mother tongue. You could bump into some strange sentences, wrongly combined sayings or incorrect written words. I’m sorry if you do! I’m most likely very unaware. But… you can help me out by leaving a comment (or email me). I do not consider that to be rude. I’m Dutch after all and being fiercely honest (read: rude) seems to be our middle name. So if you’ve dreamed of being a Dutch person for a sec, this is your moment! It’s very much appreciated because I like to learn and I like having a decent written blog too. Thank you very much!

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4 Responses so far.

  1. […] The continuation of part 1 (What made me want to do it?) […]

  2. Stella Hugens says:

    Lieve Frida, ik wil je een heel groot compliment geven.
    Mooi om over jouw ideeën te lezen.
    De ‘Tiny’ foutjes die je maakt zijn absoluut niet storend voor het geheel en ga ik je dus ook niet vertellen.

    Graag tot een volgende keer.

    Liefs van Stella

    • Frieda Bakker says:

      Well, I now HAVE to respond in English to my former English teacher.
      What an honour! Good to see that you received my mail. Thank you!!
      Till next time and welcome on board!
      With love,
      Frieda

  3. anja says:

    Hi,
    I was waiting for a new blog entry 🙂 thanks!!! And I think I know what you mean not fitting in! Do you have already your plan for your tiny house? look forward!
    🙂

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